“How can this be?”

I feel nothing.
I feel so un-empowered.
I love you for you.
Yet there is no in love anymore.

I feel so unhappy.
I just want to cry.
Why show me joy?
Only to take it away!
I am who I am.
Why can't you be you?

How can this be?
Nothing I will do.
Nothing I say will change this.
It hurts so much!
Yet I feel nothing.

My smile hid what is inside.
Now there are no smiles.
My eyes could hide the pain.
Now they are filled with pain.
I used to fear being alone.
Alone isn’t a fear anymore.

Small things made me sing.
Singing only brings sadness.
The sun shines outside, and
One day it will shine again in me.
The sound of a child gave me hope.
Now hope of a child is gone.

How can this be?
Nothing I will do.
Nothing I say will change this.
It hurts so much!
Yet I feel nothing.

Things need to change.
I can’t go on like this.
It has been broken and can’t be fixed.
I don’t want to be right, I want to be kind.
My journey is decided now I must follow it.
I am sorry for the pain.
Thank you for the memories of joy.

How can this be?
Something I do.
Something I say will change this.
It is going to hurt so much!
I feel everything.

"Lemur"

He sits on his high perch, looking out across his domain.
He licks his lips at the morsel of food he spies.
His nose twitches at the scent of the ripe fruit.
His hand reaches out and plucks the mouth watering morsel and plops it into his mouth.
His eyes moving around, to spy the next morsel.
Ah such is the life of the Lemur, sitting high up on his perch.

"Hopelessly Drowning"

I feel the warmth of the water as it covers my face.
It is the first warmth that has covered me so completely, I felt so cold inside.
I wonder if the hopeless feeling won't last.
I have been drowning in this loss of feeling, not able to breathe.
I wonder if drowning in water would feel the same...Should I find out.
My mind remembers the loneliness, my heart feels the hopelessness.
My lungs scream for air, it would be so much easier just to leave the pain behind.
It doesn't feel like my time, slowly floating down into the water, maybe it is..

“Nothing I do”

Nothing I do or say will change what is to come....
The winds of change make my heart beat faster, nay not for the thrill of what is, but for the fear that lurks.
Some say that when one stands in ones fear, the fear exists no more, I fear nothing , for nothing is more painful than the loss I feel inside, the whole in the wall that is my defence, for now all can see the mask of what was hidden.
In another time they say we will be a better being, all I say is, and I am already.
I am who I am. I am love, I am in love with none, but I do one, myself for now that is all I can.
I seek companionship for this journey I am to make, not for the loneliness of it, for the viewing of me, the knowing of me and the record of this life.
For all to soon this will be nothing more than a distant memory.

I fail not in allowing others to see, I fail in not allowing others to understand that which is me.
In so doing each tear in that they leave me with is nothing to what I tear away when they have gone, the constant voices in my head, the fighting in my sleep, the uncertainty they leave me with, what did I do wrong this time?
Then I feel it all the tears flushing the pain into nothing, just a memory of joy that once was there. 

Paradise gained, Paradise lost, and it is all the same, both have pain, both have nothing, without the love in me.
Soon it will be time for another tear and another goodbye; oh I hate that word goodbye.
Nothing I do or say will change that which will come, for without it I am not me.

"The Mountain King"

In a distant planet of Er'th, he stood looking out across the lands.
He felt the warmth of the sun's rays filtering through him.
A smile touched his aged face in remembrance.
Allowing the memories of this place to flood back to when it was more than just a looking point. In old all came here; all the creatures of the world; even the human's. In this time he recalls that all was good with the world.

The lowest were not hunted for the pleasure. All were concerned with the well being of all. The balance was well kept, none were stronger than another.
All lived to a time when it was the chosen time to leave....
"Has it come to him now; the time to leave?", his thoughts drifting.

Then the noises behind him return him to the present.
Softly growling he hears the bays of the trained trackers.
Knowing well that the ones following him would soon find this place; and turn it into nothing. He turns and looks once again at the landscape, sighing, for all had changed. There were not flowing rivers of clear water, just dams of foul stench. Forests of old are few and far between. Lush grass lands now criss-crossed by the endless grey roads. The crops in the fields not as they should be, changed to last longer, grown out of season.

He soft growls, "what had changed?"
"Why did the balance disappear?"
"How could they, the human's not see that balance was needed?" So many questions flash through his mind, yet so few answers.
Knowing that in the past the knowing of something meant an understanding of it. "Is this what happened, that we forget that knowing was more important than knowledge?" he asks once more.

Hearing the crashing noise behind him, he turns seeing the first of trackers.
Knowing his time is near as more crash into the clearing below.
Will it be painless or will they taunt him, till he attacks, these are the thoughts that fill him now?
Then he remembers the old teachings, the ones that gave him the power of the mountain. Letting out a roar of the aged he leaps at the trackers, knowing he had chosen wise. This was the time of the human's the lands were not free to roam, that he would leave in his way and not theirs. He feels the pain as the hunter's dart hits him, feeling the sun rays on his face, smiling softly he slips away.

A tear passes down the hunter's face, for he recalls the earlier times.
A tear passes down the trackers faces, for they have caught the one sought by many. Finally the hunter looks down at the Mountain King and softly caresses the fine pelt, whispering softly. "I am sorry old friend, but it is safer if you don't roam free. I have found you a place, where none will hunt you, where the balance is been restored.

Waking once more he feels strange as if he slept, yet didn't fall asleep.
"Did he dream all that happened?" his thoughts returning to him.
Slowly the world forms shapes, and then the images stream in.
He feels the sun's rays on his face, lifting his head slowly.
Then standing he looks around seeing he still is where he was, there is no noises of the chase. Yet it is different, the sun's rays are softer, and higher than he remembered. Yet the fields, forests and streams where there as he remembered them.

Turning he looks down into the clearing. Seeing all that he called friend, companion, the knowing of them sending shivers down his spine.
Then he hears a soft voice whisper to him, "I hope the journey wasn't too much for you old friend." Turning to the voice he sees the human who had been the hunter. Growling and moving backwards, he faces off with the one who called him friend. Leaping through the air, knocking into this friend, claws retracted. Standing on the human's chest, he looks deeply into the eyes, looking for the ugly human traits. Seeing none of the traits in the human, "Are we home?" is all he asks. The human smiles and replies; "As home as we can be, living on this planet called Earth." "Welcome to the new balance and a new mountain."

Stepping off the human he walks to the place he woke, looking up feeling the rays of sun on his face. Knowing slowly returns, he is once again a Mountain King. Letting the rays filter through him into the mountain, knowing of the new friendship he would make with this mountain. With a roar, equal to one of his strength, the others in the gathering cheer. 

*His thoughts drift, may the balance stay this time*

“Elves Forest”

The rich colours of the forest never caught forever on a photo.
The deepest forest colours imprinted deep within the mind.
Walking softly making little noise so as to see the toadstool before the magic covers it.
Hearing the soft calling between the birds, singing too the soul.
Listening to the soft whisper of the trees, a calming for the mind.
Watching the magic of the dew rolling down every contour.
The smell of clean refreshing air, filling lungs.
The brush of wind through the trees sends shivers down the spine.
The scurry of the insects alive with sound.

The forest folk peeking out of their homes and hiding places.
Wondering who this is; this tall creature that is huma’n.
How he stomps through the forest, making small earth quakes with his ever step.
Breathing deeply as if to suck up all the air.
Sometimes standing still as if listening to or for something.
Shivering as if it was midwinter, yet dressed warm.
They wonder if he will be destructive.
They wonder if he is like the others that have come before.

Stopping for a moment, breathing deeply.
Catching the glimmer of something in the corner of the eye.
Turning towards the glimmer an Elf lands softly on the ground.
“What do you seek, huma’n?” it is asked with Elvin disdain.
“Solitude and respite,” is the softly spoken answer.
“What do you know of such, ye a warrior tribe?” is the retort.
“As much as you do Elf!” said with a deep sadness.
“You speak with the sadness of the aged ones, huma’n,” is the softened reply.
“None have spoken of the aged ones, for a long time Elf, are they still welcome?”
“Freely they are welcome within this forest, huma’n or should I say aged one?”
“Huma’n will do for now Elf.”

With a great sigh the forest folk appear, wondering how the Elf and the Huma’n spoke for they heard nary a word.
Yet the Elf moved and bowed allowing the huma’n to pass.
In the depths of the deepest green nothing to fear, nothing to lose.
Returning to the old Elves forest, respite and solitude are found.
The longing of peace, love and enchantment fulfilled.

“Seeing me”

I listen to the trees.
I listen for the softest of sounds.
I feel the earth move.
I see the ocean sizzle when the sun touches it.
I see things when I look into your eyes.

Have you listened to the trees, and heard their whispers?
Have you heard the softest of sounds?
Have you stood so still that you feel the earth move around you?
Have you seen the sun touch the ocean and heard the sizzle?
Have you looked into my eyes and seen me?

I watch the children play, wanting to play with.
I watch the old walking hand in hand, hoping that is me someday.
I give somebody one small smile and receive a grin back.
I send somebody a small note and they leave me a letter.
I look at you and my heart skips a beat or three.

Have you stopped to see the children play?
Have you seen the old as they hold hands?
Have you grinned at small smile?
Have you left a letter instead of a small note?
Does your heart ever skip a beat or two?

I have tasted fresh snow as it falls.
I have watched a storm build.
I have heard the sweet sound of a tuned voice.
I have felt your hand in mine.
I love the scent you leave on me.

Does snow taste the same to you when it falls?
Why do you miss the storms beginning?
Does the tuned voice turn your ears off?
Did you feel the same when you held my hand?
Does my scent leave with me?

Today I laughed, at something somebody said.
Yesterday I cried, when I saw somebody cry.
Tomorrow isn’t a thought for somebody, as today is all they have.
Growing up takes forever for some, growing old is too fast for others.
A moment doesn’t last long, however the memory lives forever.
Today is yesterday’s tomorrow for all.

When will you stop and look at me.
When will you laugh at something I say.
When will you cry when I cry?
Is life to fast for you to slow down?
Do you have any memory of me?
Is your tomorrow already today?

What changed yesterday that you stopped to listen?
What changed to make you feel?
What changed yesterday that made you see?
Will your tomorrow change because today you looked me in the eyes and saw me for the first time?
I know that my tomorrows have changed, due to me looking back knowing you had.